Thank you Doug... for your website.. I found it by doing a google about testimonies of the Word-Faith -- I wanted to read real peoples testimonies on how it did not work for them! All the testimonies I read.. I can identfy with almost ALL of them!I thought something was wrong with me.. that I was not a Christian -- or I was not "getting this" and that maybe I just was not meant to be a Christian becasue I'm not understanding any of this.. no matter how hard I try.. I could not even even find it in the bible !! But everyone told me it was there... quoted scriptures.. but when I read them.. they didn't seem to mean the same things to me as they did to other people.. i was told satan was blinding me from the truth! As a child, my parents got saved -- we started to go to church -- I was saved at age 12 -- in a Baptist church.. and by the time I was 14, my parents no longer went to church and life went on... of course, I found my way back in the world.. was pregnant by the time I was 18, had my self conviced that I was just to bad to ever be Christian again so from that point on I just pushed any thoughts of Christianity out of my mind and maybe some day I wouldnt be so "bad" and I could be a christain.. My life spiraled downwards -- married an abusive drunk.. became one myself.. but in the vague distance I could hear Jesus calling my name.. espeically in the real pitiful times.. but for years I was so afraid of Him but yet at the same time I knew I desperately needed Him.. and all my life I had nightmares about God ... playing all those "thief in the night" movies over and over and over in my mind.. that my parents made us go to when we were kids... I associated Christianity with being chased through the woods by people in helicopters wanting to chop my head off! I figured if I just didnt think about it maybe it would go away and it wouldnt matter.. dumb right? -- so once in a while I would pick up my bible and read it ... or listen to some preachers on the TV... then one certain preacher really caught my attention... of course it had to be Kenneth Copeland...he kinda made alot of sense to me.. and then I found Joyce Meyer... who no matter what anyone wants to say about her, the woman helped to change my whole life !!But I was hearing things I never knew.. and I felt like I was understand things I never understood before...Eventaully I was feeling like I should go to church, so I decided to go back to the very church I went to as a child... (Baptist) Man it was hot and stuffy in there... I could hardly breath and the sermon was sooooooooooo-ooooooooooo loooooooooooooooooong that I didn't hear a word all I kept thinking was God this is a mistake... get me outta here... at the end I had to wait in a very long line of people that would not leave the church unless they shook the pastors hand... no one spoke a word to me or even cracked a smile my way... and when I got to the pastor he said have a nice day... I ran to my car and cried all the way home...A few months later... I felt the urge to try church again... this time I went to the new church in town... I had no Idea it was "Charismatic" I never even heard that word before... I knew it was non-denominational though... and that appealed to me... ... everyone was so friendly... they didnt sing out of hymnals either... which I thought was pretty awesome... the music touched me deeply -- I heard people speaking in tongues... which I never heard before... and the Pastor taught like it was class.. people took notes with their open bibles and he referred to scripture often... I thought this church was amazing... I left there and thought WOW ... REAL Christians!! I couldn't wait to go back... and I did... next week God started doing a work in me I guess... because it seemed I could not get through chruch with out breaking down and crying... I cried... and I cried... this went on for a few Sundays... and was feeling lt very self-conscious about it... one Sunday... they asked for people to come up and be prayed over for any addicitons they may have... gee. I had plenty that I didnt want anymore ... so I went up... to give lay it all down at Jesus feet... and in my heart and mind that is what I did! I had no clue about slain in the spirit or any of that.. I knew tho I wanted to be free.. I don't remember what he prayed... but it was strong... I felt something... and I'm not really sure what happened next, it kinda got foggy... but I lost my footing and kinda tripped backwards where a man behind me grabbed me and he whispered in my ear that Jesus loved me and I was going to be ok... and ya know what... he was right ... because today... I am ok!! I went after that took my seat and proceeded to sob uncontrolably...loud from the gut sobs... I became very embarrassed becasue I realized people were looking at me... and I ran out and never went back to church again... ...life went on and I didnt go back to church for about another 6 years... I remarried had more kids moved to California..... my life was straightening up little by little.. and Joyce and Kenneth were my Pastors -- I listened to them faithfully...for years.. without ever thinking they were "false" in anyway. I never did find a church to go to in California even though I prayed for one... and I had some pretty deep experiences with Jesus during these times when life got pretty messed up around the time my daughter was stillborn and some things of my past seemed to be manifesting in some weird dreams I was having... but Jesus delievered me ... on His own.. Just between me and Him .. I didnt have to go to anyone...He delievered me from a bunch of junk... I felt his pressence.. one day lying face down on my bedroom floor in the deepest most pitiful sorrow of my life... Just like Philipians 4:7 says And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I felt it ... I didnt see anyone... or hear anyone... I felt peace and I knew Jesus was there with me ... probably even holding me in his arms.. :) I got up off that floor a changed woman......a few years later... we moved back east... and after about 6 months I found a non-denominational church to go to that was very small... the first time I went ... he mentioned something about Kenneth Copeland... and duh me said.. oh ... this church must be ok then.. the music was like that I had experienced in that church years before... I was excited... I found my home finally... well it wasnt long before confusion and chaos set in... now that I was in a church I saw things and heard things, it was different than watching the TV... and alot of things didnt make sense to me... and no matter how hard I tried to get the tongues thing to work for me the rebuking the devil... devil stomping-- the annointing everything with oil thing --to work for me... it didnt... I felt like I was in a nightmare...I was told I could pray things to happen.. pray people in and out of my life that I did or did not want in it... and a ton of other stuff... I even remember sitting there listening one night and thinking... Oh, I get it.. its just like fortune telling and casting spells... except its God... yep... I really thought that... and it wasnt long before I actually realized what I just thought to myself .. and I went on a Chrsitian message board and asked what they thought about it and I was told it was witchcraft... I didnt understand how it could be if they were doing these things in Jesus name...I was beginning to get paranoid that satan was around every corner waiting to pounce on me... I was beginning to think that I couldn't think or make a decision because satan was lying to me and blinding me from the truth... my husband was getting upset wtih me...he said I was changing and he didnt like it... and I was changing......very much... into a paranoid nut case who felt worse about herself than ever before.. and our life was just really getting bad... my husbands job was going down the tubes... bills were piling up... our cupboards seemed to not ever have enough food it them.. it was really odd... My husband never liked the church but allowed me to go up until he flat out forbade me and the kids to go there anymore. And there is sooooooooooooo very much I could write... so many things happened that just made my head spin... but I'm trying to keep this as short as possible... I kept crying out to God... this can't be what Christianity is.. it can't be... it can't be about stomping on satans head all the time... and playing all these "voodoo" games...I started to ask him to show me the truth... to open my heart and eyes... to let me know the truth... to please not let me be decieved... I didn't trust myself to interpret the Bible for myself... cause I was so afraid satan was blinding me from its truth... like I was told so many times that he was...... so I just started to do some searches on the net... and I kept finding all these different websites... and reading aobut ALL the people that my church followed... alot of them I just didnt even like to begin with, like Hinn, Parsley and all those "freaky" ones... they always gave me the creeps and when I told the ladies this one night at Bible study they all looked at me like I had 9 heads... ...little by little I started to believe that God was in control of me.I started to trust God more that He was my God not satan... and I started to believe that if I studied the Bible the Lord was indeed going to show me the truth... and that is exactly what He has been doing ever since...Thank the Lord , my husband never bought into the TV Tithing thing... I used to beg him and yell at him that we were never going to be blessed unless we tithe our money to Joyce or something... we had many a horrible argument... but I see how much he was right... and how I was so wrong ...In the past 6 months since I left that church (and we have not given any money toward any church in this time) -- I can't believe how much the Lord has blessed us... My husband got a new job that pays way more than we could have ever imagined... we are moving soon to go closer to his new job... and just a ton of really great things have been happening to us... God is so amazing!! I may not have a million dollars and may never... and I don't care... we have what we need... and enough to share with others and that is fine with us! ...we are sooooooooo rich no matter what... just because we have Jesus! At the moment we are churchless -- but that is ok... I'm not worried about that ... I pray that the Lord is going to lead me to the church he wants to use me in... and in his perfect time.. that church will be there... I feel like the churches that I have been in, even though they were not many -- the Lord used to teach me.. Thank you for your website... there is so many things I still have to read... I have spent the last few days reading alot on your site... You are doing a good thing... no matter how many vicious e-mails you may get... you are doing a good thing that is helping to bring people back to the true God!!God Bless you and your family sooooooooooo much!
