"Heck! And boy now howdy, there, yassum, I say uh-yassum, uh, Jesus is uh-gonna make you uh-rich! And that's with a CAPITAL (get it?) R-ich! Yassum, the uh-Lord, oh boy, and how! He's uh-about-uh to turn-uh all them-uh fillins-uh in your mouth into gold-uh, I say GOLD, boy, there's gold in them mouths, thazright, that's what I said, that's how good the Lord is, yassum! Double amen, Brother? Turn to someone next to you and say BIG BUCKS! And I got a Word here straight from the Lord, He gonna make you rich, He gonna make you rich to make the world jealous, thazz right! Amen, and amen, and SHAZZZZAMM!"
Make you feel a little uncomfortable? It should. Because it is ridiculous, and more importantly, blasphemous. Please forgive me, as I was only trying to expose one of the more recent, and more crude deceptions of these the last days. That is, chiefly, The Goober Gospel. It was paraded many years on the PTL Jim Bakker Show, only then it was called things like "Name it and Claim it" or "Brag it and Bag it." It is usually accompanied by such bizarre teachings as that the Lord Jesus and all His disciples were all rich men, and that if today you're not rich, it's because "ah shucks, pardner, boy howdy, it's just because God hates you!" That's right, God rewards His children here on Earth with great mounds of yuppy toys, worldly joys for all girls and all boys (well, for the ones that support TBN, that is)!
If you're channel surfing sometime and you happen to pass a channel with a corny set made up to look like a cozy living room with a blazing fireplace, with some uh-just-uh-grinning guy with a Bible spread out before him, and you hear him using down-home jargon like: "Ah shucks! But ain't-uh the Lord just uh-good?" You'll soon realize you've been exposed to the Goober Gospel (can I get a "boy howdy?").
The Goober Gospel attempts to steal the true power from the Good News that God wants to save you, set you apart, make you different than the world -- it attempts to "teach" that in fact God is like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, that GREED is good. That God blesses His children and curses the wicked. That if you're a REAL Christian, then you should be rich (get it, the real Christians get blessed). If you're not rich, then you're not a REAL Christian, are you? In fact, you are wicked, and cursed -- God hates you.
Actually, the hidden agenda in the Goober Gospel is that God takes moolah from the wicked and gives it to the Righteous. Really. That is an actual teaching from the Goober Gospel Movement. Doesn't it make you wonder, that these grinning Prosperity Pastors are always asking YOU for money? What's the message? If they need your money -- if God compels you to send it to these Prosperity Pastors, and you aren't rich, and yet the Prosperity Pastor IS rich, then voila!
YOU are wicked and God is taking your money to present it to the Truly Righteous, the Prosperity Pastors!
Jesus, on the other hand, told the parable of "The Rich Man and Lazarus," in which, employing the popular belief of the day (the pharisees believed that if you were rich, God was blessing you, and if you were poor, it was because you were a sinner -- just goes to show, everything old is new again), placing the Rich Man in hell and the Poor Beggar within Abraham's Bosom (an ancient Jewish belief was that when you died you went to the place of your ancestors, which is quite a different belief than contemporary views of heaven). With a simple story, Jesus destroys the entire belief system that "Moolah" equals "Righteousness."
Think about it, if the Goober Gospel were true, then rich people would be the most righteous, and Bill Gates would be our Messiah!
Think about it, if you believe in the concept of heaven, that's when the Righteous are going to get their true reward. This Earthly treasure is considered highly worthless by heaven's standards (if you had a ton of gold in your basement, you'd be considered exceptionally wealthy under earthly standards, but in heaven gold will be the asphalt that every child of God walks upon). And if you believe that God loves everyone, including the wicked, how do you think God feels, knowing that He is going to be separated from children that He loves (the wicked) for eternity, when it was His will that they have everything in heaven with all His righteous children? More impetus for the wicked receiving their reward now (riches, here on Earth, and then their true reward, destruction). If this sounds screwy, then perhaps you need to get your theology straight. God says that He sends rain (blessings) on both the righteous and the wicked. The Bible says that it is God's desire that NONE be lost.
Go figure.
But prosperity is only the most ridiculous portion of the Goober Gospel, and thus the most highly visible.
Other teachings:
That when you're saved you are sealed by a "Holy Spirit coating" so that sin won't stick to you anymore, yep, you can still sin, but now it won't stick to you, because, um, of the, you know, the Holy Spirit coating. Do some call this "The Anointing?" Have all the fun you want to, do whatever you want to, because we have complete freedom in Christ, don't we? This "anointing" replaces the Law of God, which is bad, nuh-nuh-nuh-NASTY bad. The law of God is just plain ole legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
That once you say the magic words "I accept Jesus as my personallordandsavior" then you lose your free will -- yep, just say those words, and then you can't be lost, even if you want to (because, like, you know, who'd WANT to be lost after they're saved?) (duh). Once Saved Always Saved? They've never heard of "Abiding in Jesus." Abiding in Jesus is just plain ole legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
You are given a "secret prayer language" to talk to God in a way that satan (the devil) can't understand and um, yeah, YOU can't understand it either, so it is like this airy spirit thing inside you is talking to God, and you can't understand what's being said, and the devil can't understand, but still, in some way, you are edified (built up, made stronger in Jesus). And sure, this isn't mentioned in the Bible anywhere, but trust us, we're anointed, and if you don't want this great gift from God, gibberish, then you just go on and be a Baptist, so there! (Note, there really is a true Biblical "tongues," which means first and foremost languages, one you have not learned; however, this miraculous language was employed for building up the church, for profiting all, and was intended as a sign for unbelievers, NOT believers (the deceivers, as usual, turn this bass-ackwards). The concept of "all things done in order" is just plain ole legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
That once saved you become a "little god," (but please, always remember to spell it with a "little g") that can create anything it thinks of, just by speaking, that's right, you have God's creative power of the abilty to speak worlds into existence -- of course, Rod Parsely still can't speak and make sense, and Creflo Dollar can't speak proper English, and Ken Copeland can't speak away his bad eye, and Benny Hinn can't speak and do anything about his perpetual horrible hair day. And on and on. Try it, you want a million bucks, just SAY (and believe) that a million bucks is sitting right over there on the kitchen table. Shazzam. There it be. Go on, try it -- I said TRY IT! You lookin' at me? You LOOKIN' at me? You lookin' at ME? You lookin' AT me? The concept of working hard for something is just plain ole legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
That you can now break "generational curses" off anyone, and asthma is a generational curse, as well as stuttering, or bedwetting, arthritis and alcoholism and acne, oh my! Check out what the Bible says about "generational curses" -- that anyone who chooses not to keep God's laws will be cursed to the third and fourth generation, and yet Larry Huch says he can "break" that curse. Now THAT's spiritual muscle! Prayer and fasting, prayer partners and the James 5 healing ceremony, well, that's all just legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
That there are demons named "spirit of anger" and "spirit of tooth grinding" and "spirit of jealousy" and "spirit of chocolate" -- and all said spirits step in when it's time to eat chocolate, get jealous, grind the teeth -- well, you get the point (unless you don't have the "spirit of getting the point"). You are not to blame, the "spirit" is to blame. The devil made me do it. Personal accountability? What the blazes are you talking about? That's all just legalism, can I get a boy howdy?
LET NO MAN DECEIVE YOU
Be careful, don't let anyone deceive you. It is your responsibility to know the truth. If you are caught in the deadly web of a "bible spider" that teaches these down-home, moonshine tootin' "doctrines," get out now. Have nothing more to do with them. They might seem humorous, fun, frivolous and even exciting, but they are deadly just the same. About these false prophets that claim to be "anointed," Jesus says: "Don't go and see them." And don't send them your money, either.
Not the Goober Gospel!
These people are false apostles. They have fooled you by disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. But I am not surprised! Even Satan can disguise himself as an angel of light. So it is no wonder his servants can also do it by pretending to be godly ministers. In the end they will get every bit of punishment their wicked deeds deserve.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NLT)
But there were also false prophets in Israel, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will cleverly teach their destructive heresies about God and even turn against their Master who bought them. Theirs will be a swift and terrible end. Many will follow their evil teaching and shameful immorality. And because of them, Christ and his true way will be slandered. In their greed they will make up clever lies to get hold of your money. But God condemned them long ago, and their destruction is on the way.
2 Peter 2:1-3 (NLT)
These people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they don't tell the truth. To them religion is just a way to get rich. Yet true religion with contentment is great wealth. After all, we didn't bring anything with us when we came into the world, and we certainly cannot carry anything with us when we die. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.
1 Timothy 6:5-10 (NLT)
Tell those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone. But their trust should be in the living God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may take hold of real life. Timothy, guard what God has entrusted to you. Avoid godless, foolish discussions with those who oppose you with their so-called knowledge. Some people have wandered from the faith by following such foolishness. May God's grace be with you all.
1 Timothy 6:17-21 (NLT)
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Art et Amour Toujours
