(employee enters, suave and pleased with himself, goes to his laptop computer, taps up his Internet connection and checks out his latest stock victories)
INVESTOR:
(grinning, not looking away from computer, hits his intercom switch) Jennifer, can you come in here please?
SECRETARY:
(over intercom) Be right in, Mr. Hume. (she bustles in with a notebook and pen, ready to make notes) What can I do for you, Mr. Hume...?
INVESTOR:
(turns around in chair, kicks back, puts hands behind head) Oh, I think the real question is, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
SECRETARY:
(grinning, barely suppressing excitement) Is there more good news on the stocks?
INVESTOR:
Oh, I should say! Microsoft is doing GREAT even with all this Government harassment! "You doan go be messin wi' ol'Bill!" And our domestic oil stocks have skyrocketed 15 points in just the last two days! Good News? Like I told you before, put your trust in me, and you're going to be getting SICK of hearing so much good news!
SECRETARY:
(clapping hands, hopping up and down) Oh goody! I can't believe it, we're going to be rich! That hundred bucks was the best investment I've ever made!
INVESTOR:
(flabbergasted) A HUNDRED BUCKS? Is that all you invested? Jennifer, I told you to borrow money. I told you to beg. I told you to STEAL! And you invested a measly HUNDRED BUCKS?
SECRETARY:
(embarrassed) Well, the hundred bucks was AFTER I begged, borrowed and stole. (ashamed) I even got arrested for the stealing part. (brightening) But bail was only two hundred dollars!
INVESTOR:
(blinking, horrified) Good night! I was joking about the stealing, Jen!
SECRETARY:
(whirling on him, laughing) I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT GETTING ARRESTED! GOTTCHYA! (overjoyed, clapping hands and hopping up and down)
INVESTOR:
(rolling eyes, sighing) Why do I even put up with you? (turns back to computer, taps and searches) Wow! Another development! Our AMAZON-DOT-COM just pinged up 22 points! (smiling over his shoulder at secretary) Can ya trust me, huh?
SECRETARY:
YES! I trust you! And, well, I trust BILL too!
INVESTOR:
(confidentially) Hey, give me a year or two, and Bill will be coming to me for loans! (suddenly looks closely at computer screen -- blinks and leans in close to make certain he is seeing right) What in the world?
SECRETARY:
(moves around behind him to look at computer screen) What is it? Did we just make more money? I've got time to run down to the blood bank to get another $20...
INVESTOR:
(horror-stricken, slaps hands over face, shouts) NO! NO-NO-NO NOOOO!
SECRETARY:
(suddenly deadly serious) Oh no. What is it? Oh man, I hope our stock didn't just go down!
INVESTOR:
(nearly whispering, all choked up) Something must have happened. Something big with the Government and Microsoft! The stocks pretty much just crashed! They fell about $40 a stock!
SECRETARY:
(steps close) This thing must be broken. (smacks the laptop hard) Hit it! Fix it!
INVESTOR:
Hey! Don't hit it -- that's not going to affect the stock market. Don't worry. Bill won't let us down. Microsoft is about the most reliable piece of stock in the history of stocks!
SECRETARY:
I really did hit up everyone I knew for that money! I wasn't kidding about that part. And the truth is, I invested more than $5 thousand! I can't afford to lose that money, Mr. Hume! That's everything I own!
INVESTOR:
(soothing) No need to panic. (points to computer) Our local oil is doing great. As long as the foreign guys keep kosher, our portfolio will be fine. (leans close, squinting) What in the world?
SECRETARY:
(closing her eyes, slumping) PLEASE give me some good news.
INVESTOR:
(slumping) It's all over. Everything's gone.
SECRETARY:
(vainly trying to hold back the dread) What do you mean?
INVESTOR:
Foreign oil just jacked prices. Gas is going to go to about three dollars a gallon. Our domestic oil stock just became worthless. In about 2 minutes we lost everything. (pregnant pause) Everything.
SECRETARY:
But . . . I . . . TRUSTED . . . you. You let me down.
INVESTOR:
Hey. What do you think Bill did? HE'S THE ONE THAT LET US DOWN! Microsoft was supposed to be unsinkable!
SECRETARY:
Yeah, like the Titanic!
INVESTOR:
(looking up at her with sad, defeated eyes, near tears) If you knew how far this goes, how deep, you wouldn't be making nasty jokes about it. Our whole portfolio was built AGAINST our Company stock. Like a loan. And all the other employees that followed our portfolio -- I think we all just bankrupted the Company. We ruined everything.
SECRETARY:
You can't be right. We can't have messed up our Company. It's impossible!
INVESTOR:
Why? Because it's never been done before? You better go out to your office and give the President a call. Ask him to come down here. But I'll tell ya, if the Company survives, you better believe the President is going to fire all of us who were speculating...
SECRETARY:
That's not fair! I was following YOU. This is all YOUR fault! I shouldn't lose MY job! (exits, muttering) Fire HIM . . .not ME . . .fire HIM!
INVESTOR:
(shrugs, shaking his head wearily, eyes closed) I've lost everything. They're going to take my house, my cars. My wife is going to leave me. Oh, Bill, Bill . . .Bill, how could you let me down like this? It's all over. I might as well go out and shoot myself.
(enter Secretary with President)
SECRETARY:
(pleading) So please, sir? I was just following HIM! Please fire HIM, and not ME! Please!
PRESIDENT:
Just stay calm. We're going to sort through all this.
INVESTOR:
(looking up, stands, feeling guilty and ashamed) Hello, Mr. President. I'm so sorry to bring you here under these circumstances.
SECRETARY:
He'll tell you, it was all his idea . . .he's the -- uh-hmmm, "BRAINS" -- behind this operation.
PRESIDENT:
(sternly to Secretary) That will be enough. (to Investor) I am going to address the Company. I need to know, are you quitting?
INVESTOR:
Huh? Am I . . .fired?
PRESIDENT:
I'm not firing you. Are you quitting, or resigning?
INVESTOR:
If you want me to, I will. Whatever you want.
PRESIDENT:
You are one of my best employees. I want you to stay.
INVESTOR:
(almost smiling, filled with hope and relief and guilt) I'll do whatever you want.
PRESIDENT:
(extending his hand to shake) Hanging tough?
INVESTOR:
(beaming) Hanging tough! (vigorously shakes the President's hand)
PRESIDENT:
(takes microphone, turns and directly faces audience) To you stockholders, let me begin by informing you: YOUR STOCK IS STILL GOOD. There has been absolutely no change in your stock. Your stock is kept safe in my own personal fireproof safe. Nothing is going to get to it. No one is going to steal it. It is safe.
And let me reiterate an important point to you stockholders. The stock you own was purchased at absolutely NO COST of your own; however, in order for me personally to make a gift of this stock -- I had to sacrifice an incredible amount. Please consider this gift to you as your inheritance.
(reaches out and places a hand on Investor's shoulder) Take this gift seriously. It is a serious thing. I gave this gift to you employees who asked for it -- I forced no one to accept this stock. In the same way -- and this is important, so please listen carefully: I WILL FORCE NO ONE TO HOLD ON TO THIS STOCK. If you don't want it, you don't have to keep it. If you don't want it, just say so, and I will take your stock and give it to someone else (looks to Secretary).
Now, as to the debts you incurred against the Company stock. I am paying those debts out of my own pocket.
(Secretary and Investor both gasp, relieved, and then they both beam huge smiles)
(looks around at all audience) I'm not firing ANY OF YOU. Your stock AND your jobs are secure. Is everyone OKAY with that? (looks around, then smiles) Alright, then let's all get back to work!
(exits)
__________________________________________
Completely free Christian scripts, sketches, mimes.
Always a parable. Storytelling making the difference.
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