(couple enter, husband is restless and moody, wife is joyous and positive-thinking)
WIFE:
Oh, aren’t the Christmas decorations beautiful? I love all the deep red velvet ribbons, and the fir branches — mmmm, don’t you just love that smell?
HUSBAND:
Oh yeah… (singing) “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” Ug. I just can’t get over the fact that Christmas is a PAGAN holiday! Kind of makes me sick…
WIFE:
(getting a chair at the front) Well… I suppose the original holiday started out that way, but now we have such a special reason…
HUSBAND:
(taking chair and seating) Yeah-yeah-yeah! “He’s the Reason for the Season.”
WIFE:
(still standing, holding onto back of chair) Oh, look at the Christmas Tree! We did a wonderful job this year. It looks so beautiful!
HUSBAND:
Yeah, a Ashteroth pole. I think it’s in Isaiah. Let’s all gather around the TREE and worship our glorious idol! What are we, anyway, a bunch of druids?
WIFE:
(sitting, rubbing his hand) Sweetheart! Can’t you get into the Christmas Spirit?
HUSBAND:
Oh, and I suppose next you’re going to tell me that the Christmas Spirit is the Holy Spirit? Well, as we all know, the Holy Spirit is just way, way too easy to counterfeit. Give me Testimonies to the Church any day, there’s NO messing with them, is there? Maybe instead of getting into the so-called “Spirit of Christmas” you should get into “Spirit of Prophecy” instead!
WIFE:
But at this time of the year, it’s just so easy to remember the Greatest Gift of the World! (staring into space, as if dreaming, as if really seeing what she’s talking about) You know, I can imagine Him there, in that manger, a beautiful little baby, with all the love of the universe shining out of His eyes? (growing emotional) I can almost see Him…
HUSBAND:
Gifts. Presents. What a commercial nightmare! (doing a Santa voice) “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas — Here, let me hold your wallet for you, brother! Have you been naughty or nice?” (gasping in sarcastic delight) “Why THANK YOU Santa!” WHAT A NIGHTMARE! (then thinking) Hey, how many presents did you get ME, anyway? You know, I spent quite a bundle on you, my dear…
WIFE:
It’s going to be a wonderful Christmas! I got you everything you wanted, and a few surprises too! Every present that we open, it brings to life, those wise men kneeling before Him, that baby! Doesn’t that make you think of John 3:16: For God so loved the world…
HUSBAND:
Yeah, yeah, yeah… Only begotten Son. I know. You know, if we were a little WISER, like those wise guys of old, we wouldn’t spend so much on the kids. The ungrateful little punks. When I was a kid we got lumps of coal and we LIKED it! Do we have any eggnog?
WIFE:
Sure, here let me get you a glass… (rises, mimes pouring the eggnog, brings him back a glass)
HUSBAND:
(puts glass to mouth, suspiciously) Hey, is there any . . . BRANDY . . . in this?
WIFE:
(smiling) Oh just a little. It’s just once a year…
HUSBAND:
What am I going to do with you? (greedily gulps the eggnog, exhales and smacks lips mightily)
WIFE:
Tonight let’s watch Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Okay? Won’t it be cozy, with the fireplace going?
HUSBAND:
Ahh, all the spiritualism in that movie! Ghost of Christmas Past...Spirit of Christmas Future! What a nightmare! Still, you know, that Scrooge guy was pretty wise. Until they messed with his head. Scared the poor guy with all those lies about eternal hellfire! Made him flip his wig and start wasting all his dough like that!
WIFE:
Oh sweetheart, you’re so insane. But I love you! Well, shall we start making Christmas plans?
HUSBAND:
(rubbing hands together greedily) Yeah! Okay, first I want to hit Walmart — they’re kind of cheap, but what great deals, and then K-mart and Target and Wards — and then for you we can stop by Nordstrums for a minute or two. Then let’s see “Millenium Man” — isn’t Robin Williams great? And after a few more stores we can catch “Legend of Sleepy Hollow” because you know, it’s a classic! Washington Irving! Ichabod Crane! Very similar to “Pilgrim’s Progress,” and you know that has been baptized!
WIFE:
(rising, returning chair) I was thinking we should skip all the shopping and stuff. I was thinking maybe this year we could draw together as a family, and focus on Jesus, have a special worship time together, and think about all the gifts he’s given us…
HUSBAND:
(still sitting, looking grumpy, sighs) I guess so. Maybe AFTER Walmart. It just wouldn’t be wise to pass up those great deals, you know . . . kind of like throwing money away…
WIFE:
(comes behind him, massages his shoulders) Why so depressed, Sweetheart? This isn’t the time of year to be sad. Think of all the ways God has blessed us, how many ways He has just kept on giving us gifts…
HUSBAND:
Yeah-yeah-yeah, I know. (rises, puts away chair) But just thinking about the way they warped that poor Scrooge guy. I mean the whole Christmas thing just drove him crazy…
WIFE:
(smiling, happy, still in the Christmas spirit, escorts husband out) Well, we don’t have to watch “A Christmas Carol” if you don’t…
HUSBAND:
Oh, no, the first part is GREAT. I'll watch it for all the sane thinking in the beginning: "Humbug! Humbug!" Man alive, I LOVE that guy.
(they exit)
__________________________________________
Completely free Christian scripts, sketches, mimes.
Always a parable. Storytelling making the difference.
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